I fantasise what might have been My dreams are endless We love each other but it seems The love is only in my dreams It's so one sided But in this life I must confess The search for love and hapiness Is unrequited (What Makes A Man - Marc Almond)

Such a beautiful, beautiful song with heartwarming lyrics, sung with such a beautiful voice.  It always sounds to me that it belongs in a musical.  I hope he sings it when I go to see him in a couple of weeks.  I think I might even cry if he does.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  A really dull Monday morning ..... sigh. I had to venture out to meet someone and grabbed a coffee then back home and back to work.  Managed to get some studying done later afternoon.  Not sure I know what I am reading but I guess it will all come to light ...... eventually.

My last quiet Monday night (as my University classes this term are on a Monday).  I started watching Jack Whitehall and his gab year with his Father. They were in Bangkok.  Oh I love that city and I got quite homesick.  They went on to see the Bridge on the River Kwai.  It really brought back memories of my travels.  Where is the time going?

Tuesday:  Busy day today with work, flu jab, studying and pedicure resulted in me getting home at 7.20.  I felt it was food then bed.  However, a very productive day.  I am really anxious about my studying and I know, in my heart, it will be OK but it all seems a bit terrfying at the moment.  Oh well, no turning back now is there.

Wednesday:  The mornings are so dark now and the weeks are flying off the calendar.  September is almost over and we are at hump day yet again.  I am home alone for a few days as Andy is organising a conference in Manchester. As for me, well I had to work this evening. So all in all, a pretty meh day.  Especially when I had an awful journey home in the rain!

Thursday:  The rain continued all night and there are damp leaves everywhere this morning.  Busy day at work, running around London saving the world.   I wonder who is here to save me!

Late afternoon I caught the bus up to University. I had to take a book back and wanted to get some more.  I turned the corner and walked into a vibrant, .  I got a bit upset to be honest. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be studying for my Masters at Birkbeck.  I remember all those hours studying in Stoke.  Yellow post its, marker pens, Hetty love her, asleep in her basket beside me.  Like now, I got a bit upset.  It just brought back so many mixed emotions.

I found the books I wanted and what a eclectic mix they are and found a desk and studied.  I had to pinch myself that it was really happening.  Well technically it is not happening yet, not until Monday but you know what I mean.  I guess some dreams do come true.  You just have to believe in them.

Friday:  Busy day work wise, with me avoiding cake at every turn.  It was coffee morning day and everyone was eating cake!  But not me; strawberries and coffee I was fuelled by and how smug did I feel when it was bed time.

So a busy weekend coming up, well parts of it and all in all, not a bad week.

As always, with my love X

Something's gotten hold of my heart Keeping my soul and my senses apart Something's gotten into my life Cutting its way through my dreams like a knife…(Marc Almond and Gene Pitney)

You will all know this one and I bet you sing along.   Beautiful, nostalgic song and as always, gorgeous lyrics.  As always enjoy.

Saturday:  Usual start to the day. Fat club which was hysterical as one of the woman asked any if his 'other half' would like a booklet too.  They cannot work out what we are and he said we were not a couple and they just looked.  You watch, next week I will be his bloody mother again!  We both did well.  All is good.

Back home we had our usual huge but healthy brunch and then took some clothes down to the charity shop in Tower Bridge Road.  It did not take us long to get there and they had some lovely clothes; especially men's clothes.  Andy bagged a bargain.  I noticed it and he tried it on and it fitted a treat.  It was a Ted Baker jacket and he paid the grand sum of £6 for it, the jammy sod.  I do love a bargain.

Just a normal Saturday night, watching a film and eating home made Chinese Prawn Curry.  I really am living the high life lol.

Sunday:  Such a beautiful morning.  It was like summer all over again.  Today I caught the bus over to Greenwich to meet my dear friend PPLP. I met him two years ago at a Meet Up and his English has come along way since then.  It was so lovely to see him again. We walked along the river and went for a drink then walked back into Greenwich for some lunch.  We went to Jamie's and had some delicious pasta.  Then PPLP suggested that we get the boat back up to town.  Now this is something I have been thinking about doing since I arrived in London, and like many other things, never had.  So we did, we caught the river boat.  The last time I caught a boat was in Bangkok. It was brilliant; but a lot more expensive!  It was such fun and I really enjoyed the experience.

We got off at Embankment and walked over the bridge and said our goodbyes as PPLP was meeting his partner at Waterloo.  I walked along feeling quite emotional to be honest.  OK my life may not have panned out how I had it planned both six years ago and since coming to London. But I am blessed in so many ways.  I met some lovely people, done some wonderful things and have made the most of the most terrible time.  Life is OK.  So let's move on to the next adventure.

As always, with my love x

Dancing laughing Drinking loving And now I'm all alone In bedsit land My only home (Bedsitter - Marc Almond)

Not quite how I live my life, but I know of many people who live in London by renting a room in a shared house.  Property here is so expensive.  Personally, if it every come to the time that Andy did not want to flat share with me, I would pack up and move on (not sure where).  I know I am going to be a student soon, but don't really need to be living as one.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Another week begins and my trusty countdown app tells me I have 55 days before I go on my travels.  However, between now and then I have so much to do.  When I look back, I used to be so organised - alas no more.  But it all gets done ....... eventually.

Had a doh moment much to Andy's hysteria.  I wanted to measure out a litre of almond milk.  I had been having oat milk but it was costing me my precious syns.  So I took the carton, put my little measuring jug on the scales, opened the milk and started to measure.  However, the new carton of almond milk was 1 litre, so all I was doing was moving the milk from one jug to another.  I know. Let's park that pearl of wisdom there shall we.

Tuesday: Busy day at work, I was actually in one of the offices.  I then walked home. It was a lovely, albeit fresh, afternoon and it only took me 35 minutes. I walked through the garden at the Imperial War Museum and you can see all the leaves dropping off the trees.  Autumn really has arrived.

Back home 'our' new purchase has arrived ....... a slow cooker. I have a slow cooker but it is only for one; we now have a larger one for all our lovely winter meals.  When will this domestic pleasure end  ask myself.

Wednesday:  A day of lows and highs.  The low was finding out that your Admin Assistant is the same age as your daughter and would, if they had gone to the same schools, been in the same year.  Sigh.  She laughed; I could have cried.

The highs were splashing the cash.  Well in this case, the student loan.  I am now looking at this loan as compensation for not going to University aged 18 where I would have been given housing benefit, job seekers allowance in the holidays, no tuition fee and no debt.  My student loan is my compensation. So what better way to spend it than like a student.

I went to the flagship store of Apple in London.  Now you know that is going to end messy.  It did.  I was looking, originally at a Mac Book Air but had heard that they are not making them anymore, so the long and the short of it is I walked out with a Mac Book.  I have always wanted one and thought, well you can imagine what I thought.  She is called Betsy May Jackson.  Betsy May after the little scooter I had on Ko Mak the little Thai island I visited and Jackson after Andy's friend David who gave me valuable support and advice on my purchase. I was served by a very easy on the eye, Italian man (got to get your moneys worth) who made the whole experience even more enjoyable.  However, even I said that they were having a laugh trying to charge me 5p for a bag!  I mean, really?  I did sit on the bus cuddling my bag thinking I hope I do not get mugged. I also got free, as I am student a pair of Beats wireless headphones. I mean, really.  I did giggle as can you image me in them.  Needless to say, as I decided to upgrade form the Mac Book Air to the Mac Book I am going to sell the headphones (which are worth £250) which will pay virtually the difference between the Mac Book Air and Betsy May Jackson.  So go me, tonight has been spent getting used to the new buttons and gadgets and downloading and stuff.  You are a long time dead.  I see this every day in my job.

Thursday: That awful morning when you wake up and you think it is Friday.  Good day today mind as working out of one of the hospitals and it is so lovely to have a chat and laugh with colleagues.  

Ms Betsy May Jackson is a huge learning curve. Apple do things a lot differently to Windows. However, I am a quick learner and I will stick with it.  Early night and I made the fatal mistake of watching a programme that was primarily filmed in Stoke.  I will not be watching this again before bed as I had a terrible nights sleep.

Friday: Thank goodness it is Friday.  Beautiful morning in London and I had most of the windows in the flat open.  Today I received my course work for my degree. It scared the living daylights out of me.  I was terrified.  However, downloaded all the reading material and armed with marker pen, sticky note pads I was off.  But boy it is a bit scary.

More learning this evening with Ms Jackson.  I could not work out how to make a new folder for documents and how to actually save them; crucial stuff.  Andy sat with me and we figured it out as it is saved to the big cloud in the sky as well as on Ms Jackson herself.  I do not do too bad for an old bird.

As always, with my love x

Take your hands off me, hey, I don't belong to you, you see, And take a look in my face, for the last time, I never knew you, you never knew me, Say hello goodbye, Say hello and wave goodbye (Say Hello, Wave Goodbye - Marc Almond)

I adore this song.  I think it is one of my favourites. It is the tune, the lyrics an how they kind of resonate with me. You can hear the passion and pain in his voice. Beautiful.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Up and out and off to fat club.  I am not going to mention each week how we are doing; but all is good.  Back home and brunch and a cuppa and out on the bus up to Soho.  Today was my volunteering afternoon.  I do enjoy this.  I meet some absolutely wonderful people. This week the guys in the barbers recognised me and I had a bit of banter with them. It was so funny as they were really busy, with people queueing up outside (all me).  In I rock spreading my sparkle.  I love it.

I got chatting to the lad behind the bar that we work out off.  He was from Poland and has been working here all summer but on Wednesday is off to explore the USA.  We had such a lovely chat and laugh and he said something that I understood totally.  He said that he has been to university by travelling has taught him more.  He was the same age as my Megan.  I hope she is travelling and learning about the world.  However, I suspect she is not and has returned to the default Stokie button.

Back home, Andy and I watched V for Vendetta.  Last year, I got caught up in the 5 November marches on Parliament and did not have a clue what was going on, just that it was quite frightening.  I now understand totally. It was a really good film and have no idea why this one was never on my radar.  

Sunday:  Lazy start then I was on the move.  I cooked some food for later on today and in the week, then started on my wardrobe.  It was time to sort out all the summer stuff and replace it with winter.  My wardrobe is now very black.  I also sorted out a load of stuff I will never wear and popped it into a suitcase and will take it down to the charity shop next weekend.  Someone else may as well get some use out of it all. Strange day weather wise. Autumn really has arrived and you can feel 'the nip' in the air.  I need to be flying south really soon you know.

Busy afternoon researching a 'new item' and weighing up whether I should or should not.  I will sleep on it a bit, again, and review at the weekend.  But knowing me, I probably will. Decisions, decisions, decisions.  Ended up watching a film called Toast, the childhood memories of Nigel Slater.  It was really good and it was just like watching (in places) my childhood.  Nigel Slater is two years older than me.  It was really good.  A typical British film.   

So the birthday week comes to an end. I had some wonderful news today about someone I know who lost someone very dear a few years ago and on Saturday remarried.  The news really made me smile. They deserve to be happy again and I am so pleased for them. Such wonderful news.  It got me thinking. You can never have too much love and this proves it.  I think I am too damaged to be loved again.

As always, with my love x

If I could be for only an hour If I could be for an hour every day If I could be for just one little hour Cute in a stupid ass way (Jackie - Marc Almond)

I am Jackie. I adore this song and know all the words. It is my drag song and I would love to go the Royal Vauxhall Tavern and sing it on the stage to all the gays.  I would be Jackie and they would adore me. Sigh. It is my birthday week this week so I can think of no finer song that will do.  So bring it on. As always, darlings, enjoy.

Monday:  Did not wake up feeling the love for Monday. I feel sorry for Monday mornings. Busy day work wise and quite stressful; but I managed without the help and love of gin, chocolates or crisps.  

Monday night kick back which is all going to come to an end in a few weeks time as Monday night will be University night. So I best enjoy it whilst I can.

Tuesday:  Busy day today.  I walked to work and home again.  On the way home I saw a 'notes to strangers' poster.  You see these randomly all over London, giving us all words of wisdom.  This one could not have been more significant.  The universe moves in mysterious ways.

Normal evening, Bake Off and bed ......... and so life rolls on.

Wednesday:  The day before my birthday is always difficult for me.  It is now five years since I last saw my daughter. The powers that be decided to move her out for University on this day five years ago.  I had gone out for the day with friends and got home and she had gone. People and their actions can be very cruel.  They knew what they were doing. Not a bad day that aside.  Onwards and upwards.

Thursday:  I am officially a tin of Heinz baked beans ..... 57!  No big deal as still 29 in my head.  I have many friends who are in the cemetery who would like to be celebrating their 57 birthday.  Andy gave me his presents last night. They are so good love him, he put a lot of thought into them. I cried. I had been wanting to cry all day and did not allow myself but the tears finally come Wednesday evening at 10.30.

I spent the day working at one of our hospitals with people who I really get on with.  We had a great day. Went to have my nails done after work then straight home to get washed and changed as tonight Andy and I were going out for dinner. Whilst waiting for the bus I saw a rainbow.  This really made me smile. Someone was looking down at me.

We had a voucher from Time Out to eat at Sea Containers (again) down at the Southbank.  Oh we did have such a lovely meal. Champagne, gin and three delicious courses of the most wonderful food.  It really was such a lovely evening and one of those pinch yourself moments. I sat at the table overlooking the river Thames, eating in this absolutely wonderful restaurant.  Like I said to Andy ....... I was born for this.  It has been a good birthday.

Friday:  Supervision this morning at the Southbank Centre. How cool is that.  I collected the tickets for Marc Almond whilst I was there.  Never got back home until 3.00 and I had no lunch so was very hungry.  No plans for the weekend, just the usual stuff but hey ho, it has been a good week.

As always, with my love x

  

If I had another life And not the one I'm in I'd reach down into my soul And find a little love within I'd emerge as someone new Dressed in another skin Be someone who wants something more And not the fool I've been (A Kind Of Love - Marc Almond)

I have a friend Lee, who loves F1 and he is always telling me 'it is about the tyres Karen, it's the tyres'. Well for me it is always about the lyrics. A beautiful, new song from Marc Almond and the first time I heard it it made me cry.  I heard Marc Almond on the radio this morning with Alan Carr and he made me laugh out loud, literally, in the middle of the street. He comes across as a lovely man and a little bit of me is in love with him.  Andy said he looks forward to the day that Marc and I are fighting over the same fun.  Just suck any hope or happiness or out of me.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Weigh in day (again).  All my life I have been doing this and still cannot believe after all these years I am still doing it.  I want to loose a stone before I go to New Zealand; this week I lost 6.5lbs and Andy lost 4.5lbs. Go us. We were both very pleased.  Back home a big brunch (all good stuff) then a trip to the supermarket for vegetables and fruit. Back home and in a minute of madness booked tickets to see Marc Almond at the Festival Hall in October. I am so excited about this and this is my birthday present to me. 

I made a lovely (even if I say so myself) Chinese Vegetable Curry for dinner and sat and watched Some Like It Hot.  I love this film.  I always have. It just makes me chuckle and it is one of my all time favourites.

Sunday:  Today, Andy and I went to see The Limehouse Golem.  I had read good and not so good things about it.  Personally, I enjoyed it.  It had the lovely Bill Nighy in it. It is about a Victorian serial killer and Bill Nighy's character has to solve the mystery.  It was very good and there was a twist at the end (which I will not spoil for anyone going to see it).  One of the characters in the film, Dan Leno, was played by Douglas Booth who bared an uncanny resemblance to Freddy Mercury.  All in all, a good film for a Sunday.

Back home and I watched a documentary on Aubrey Beardsley, thanks to my friend Ian, sending me the link. Rest of the day was preparing dinner and kicking back. Quiet night and yet another weekend over.

As always with my love x

Wild wild child of the London night Prowling under cover of the city lights Waiting for a chance to strike, strike, strike You're gonna strike at my heart Tonight (Adored and Explored - Marc Almond)

Another week and all the joys it will bring ............. I am not holding my breath. I guess this song sums it up a treat.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Just what you need on a Monday morning, a meeting where I really did not have a purpose.  All that done and dusted it was back home and a quiet night.  I have had a headache on and off for the past few days, so it was an early night for me and I was safe in the arms of Orpheus by ten pm. Sigh!

Tuesday:  The sun has left the building and I can fee and see Autumn knocking on the door.  Headache still around but not too bad.  Highlight of today: Coach Trip and Bake Off.  I know, I lead such an interesting life.  I hope this bloody degree adds some passion.  Almost a disaster at 2.30am.  I got up to go to the loo in my lovely bathroom suit and saw Andy's bedroom door open.  I thought he had gone walkabout and then! He then come out of the bathroom.  I screamed and shut my door and frightened the living daylights out of him as he did not have a clue what was going on.  Fortunately, he did not have his glasses on and did not see me (not that it would have mattered anyway).  Yet another near miss.

Wednesday:  Hump day.  It really has been a strange week.  Nothing amazing happened today. Work done and dusted and it was back home, dinner and Bake Off ......... sigh.

Thursday:  Met with a colleague first thing this morning for coffee and a catch up.  It was lovely.  It was a bright morning and I walked into work which was lovely.  Meeting and then back over to London Bridge for yet another hospital appointment with private consultant.  I had to smile to myself as it was at the London Bridge Hospital. This is where my father was diagnosed with the illness that finally took his life.  St Olaf's House which forms part of the hospital is a beautiful art deco building.  Stunningly beautiful and a real treat.  I wish the same could have been said about my appointment.  As always, Consultant was lovely, but no definitive results.  So that it is.  I am a medical phenomenon.

Next highlight of the day was trip to GP's to get a bag full of new and old drugs to try yet something else and also a referral to see someone at King's.  First appointment available I am in New Zealand. So not going until December. Yes, how the other half live.  Andy is not having a good week either and so we both decided to just throw in the towel and both went to our rooms at 8.15.

Friday:  The weather summed up the week.  Grey, pouring down and yuk.  I am so pleased it is Friday.  Not that I have anything wild and exciting to do the weekend, but I really will be glad to see the back of this week.
Flat cleaned to an inch of its life and washing done and put away. I am so organised at times it scares me.  

As always, with my love x