Wonder why it's getting cold at night I must be getting old Looks like I'm gonna have to wait a while What the hell, I'm bored (Waiting for a Train - Flash And The Pan)

So you all know I love a bit of ACDC but I bet you did not know that Malcolm and Angus Young eldest brother, George.  A completely different sound to his brothers work, but for me, I like it.  So as always, enjoy.

Monday:  No work! Yay a day off and such a treat.  However, London was very weird. I had a meeting with my tutor at 2.30pm and it went well.  I am still confused and know I put too much pressure on myself. However, it does look as if I have my dissertation topic sorted, which is great but does not really help me work out my essay question ..... sigh.  I can hear the clock ticking and can't even think of New Zealand yet.

I come out of her offices and it was like walking into the end of the world. The sky was brown. It was like a film.  Apparently, it is something to do with a storm and the fires in Portugal and sand from the Sahara.  I looked over to Senate House and it would have been a perfect screen set for an alien spacecraft to land on top of it.  All the students were coming out to take photos.  It really was quite weird and there were numerous pictures posted on social media about it all.

Lecture was brilliant.  I really enjoyed it and actually got speaking to some other students too, which was really good. I come out feeling quite positive (but knowing it won't last).  

Tuesday:  I was being tested today. Train delays, strange places and just a rotten day.  Work done and dusted it was time to read.  I still do not understand all that I am reading but keep telling myself that it will all come clear; unlike the sky which was dark as dishwater again. It really is quite weird.

Watched the George Michael documentary this evening. It was very good but very sad.  He was such a good man, generous and a many of integrity and I still cannot believe he is no longer hear. I did so well until the last song which is very personal to me and that was that, down come the tears.  Dear sweet George x

Wednesday:  It never ceases to amaze me how people think they can just speak to you however they want, when let's face it, all I am trying to do is help them.  5.00pm sharp, phone and laptop off and feet up and more reading (nope still not making sense) and totally checked out of work!

I have had to explain to Andy tonight about having pampas grass growing in your front garden (this is not a euphemism ;) ) For those of you who do not know, back in the 1970s people grew papas grass in the front garden if they were swingers as it gave a stealth like indication of what went on there!  So funny and I had totally forgotten this, probably, urban myth until I noticed pampas grass grown in our front garden this evening. I did chuckle.

Thursday:  Meh day work wise but finally getting my head around my essay (Praise the Lord I hear you cry).  I wander around South East London with books on homosexuality, feminism and queer theory.  Never a dull moment.  I was so tired tonight.  In fact I was falling asleep watching TV. Now this is not a bad thing as I never sleep much these days.  I went to my room at 9.00pm and was safe in the arms of Orpheus (who is not a date from Tinder) once again.

Friday: Out and about all day today - my two favourite places (NOT):  Lewisham and Peckham.  I had an 'incident' on the 136 bus.  It has been a long time coming. I got on the bus with three heavy bags and there was a woman sitting on the aisle seat.  I said to her 'excuse me please' and she gave me the most filthy look and just shuffled in her seat (she had no intention of moving). I looked at her and said 'really'.  She did not move and I subsequently knocked my bags into her trying to get to my seat.  She then started to push my feet over to my side of the floor. Sigh. Revenge was sweet.  I got out my new book:  Foucault and the History of Sexuality Part 1 - it's like the George Michael song I Want Your Sex Part 1. I also started 'hacking' as I know this always go down well.

When it was time to get off I leant across her, saying excuse me, and rang the bell.  I then said again 'excuse me please'.  She looked at me, again with a filthy look and said 'when the bus stops!'.  I looked, one of my 'you have chosen the wrong day to piss me off looks' and said to her, smiling sweetly 'you really are treat aren't you?'.  She looked and stood up (she could not believe it).  I walked by and said 'thank you' as I walked passed her and then I said 'and I hope your day improves for you as either that or your attitude needs to change' and got off the bus.  She was older than me and there really is no excuse to be bloody rude at all.

I went to the library to work for a bit then on to my final appointment of the day and then home! Yay!  So another week done and another week nearer to my trip, which I still have not done a thing about!  C'est la vie!

As always, enjoy x

'Cause they took the keys - and she'll think it's me And I'm down in the tube station at midnight The wine will be flat and the curry's gone cold I'm down in the tube station at midnight Don't want to go down in a tube station at midnight (Down In A Tube Station At Midnight - The Jam

I have never blogged a Jam song before, but thought this one was quite fitting.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Usual start to the day.  We called in East Street Market on the way home and I brought some cockles. It took me back to being a child as Sundays were always a trip to the seafood man, who had a stall outside of local pub.  Then when I got older, the seafood man would call in the pubs, with his huge wicker basket selling cockles, mussels, eel, prawns crab, the lot. Andy did not have a clue what I was on about and seeing the stall in the market brought it all back to me.  I purchased half a pint of cockles and we had them late on in the evening.  Andy had never had them before, and kind of liked them.  I love them a bit of vinegar and pepper and I was away.  Would never have got them in the same way in Stoke.

So later on in the afternoon I went to do my volunteering role. I really enjoy doing this, I get such a lot out of it and feel as if I am doing something worthwhile. However, today it was a bit upsetting a we had some terrible news. I guess it is inevitable when working with people in this field.  It just brings it all back home to you how fragile we all are.

Back home and dinner done and dusted, time again to kick back. I watched Pride tonight. I love that film, it makes me laugh and cry all at the same time. I am old enough to remember people dying from HIV and the prejudice they, and still do, suffer from the ignorance of others.  I have to smile as the bookshop in the film, Gay's the word, is now just down the road from my college and stocks all the books I need for my course. Funny how we go on these little adventure or these adventures follow us.

Sunday:  Started the day off by watching one of my Scandinavian Noir programmes, this one was Beck, my favourite.  It is amazing how many people get killed in Sweden.  Had some non-uni paperwork to do this morning but it is OK I am up to date with my reading. 

This evening it was part of my birthday treat.  We went to Hackney Wick (near to the Olympic Stadium and other ghosts from Christmases past) to a fringe theatre to see 'Naked Men Reading' and it was very much what it said it was on the tin.  Needless to say, there were not many women in the audience but that is very much my life these days and the 'boys' were lovely.  I got chatting to one of them who had delivered a reading and he was so lovely. At least I got a hug and kiss from a naked young man.  Andy said he swears if he comes home and I have one of the 'boy's sitting in the lounge reading Foucault or a feminist theorist such as Judith Butler to me, he will go loose it.  Personally, it sounded ideally to me :). It was such a fun evening, much laughter and very, very, to the point but I am comfortable with that.  However, I did find myself going through my friendship list thinking who else would fee comfortable with this and could only think of one person.  So funny. We were both tired so straight to our rooms.  We are off work tomorrow a we thought it would be a good idea to not have to rush round.  Such a good move and such a good weekend.

As always, with my love x

So many destination faces going to so many places Where the weather is much better And the food is so much cheaper. Well I help her with her baggage for her baggage is so heavy (Airport - The Motors)

This was not the planned song for this week, but I heard it on the radio this morning and thought, why not.  I true blast from the past.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Busy day at work and it was soon 4.00pm time to pack up and get the bus up to Russell Square.  I had so much to carry.  Anytime you see me now I will have a bag full of books!  Spent some time in the library and got a lot done. Then off to the lecture.  It was very interesting.  Not sure still of my peers but we had to work in groups and I was very quiet (yes I can do quiet) as I rather wait and see and figure out the situation.  It was very interesting and it kind of made all that bloody reading worthwhile and making some sort of sense.

Tuesday:  In the office today for a meeting.  I rarely go in these days but it was OK.  Had a lovely lunch with one of my colleagues and we spent the time having a good old catch up and a giggle.  I walked there and also walked home, calling into the large Tesco near us and stocked up on all my Quorn sausages - don't I live the high life.

Back home and work done and dusted I spent some time reading (there is a surprise) but had a headache.  But still managed to get two hours reading done.  I think I will be all read out in two years time.  Lovely dinner and time to relax oh and breath.  It is all good.

Wednesday:  Suffering the delight of being outside most of the morning, with the wind, rain, alcoholics and drug users. Just a normal day. Back home and work done, time to study and I am ready a piece by Cicely Hamilton 'Marriage as a Trade and it is priceless.  She wrote the book in 1909 and it could so true even now.  I was laughing out load at some point but she made some valued points about how women, or more importantly, how men, rely on a wife to make them whole, where women can just get on with it but they are now conditioned to be married.  Anyway, don't start me off, you have two years of this.

Thursday:  Strange day today, work wise, but all done and dusted and then had my hair done tonight. It needed it.  I really will have to save more money (goodness knows from where) to have it done more often.  I am looking for an evening job one night a week. I did this before when I was on my own, I used to babysit for a woman and I earned enough each week to help me out.  If I could find something like this here, I would be very happy. Not ideal I know, but means to an end.  I earn enough, just, to manage but an extra bit each month really would come in handy.  I never thought I would find myself in this position this late in life.  People really do have a great deal to answer for.

Friday:  Yet another busy day work wise then later in the afternoon I went up to Bloomsbury to University.  Plenty of eye contact there to amuse me, along with queer and feminist theory.  I spread all my books out on the desk and men, being the shallow creatures they are, saw the word sex as in sexuality and were taken in. Sigh.  Oh well, productive afternoon.  Back home and three trips to the theatre booked.  Two with Andy and one on my own just a day before Christmas. It will give me something to do when the rest of the world are running around spending money they don't have, eating stuff they should not be eating and arguing with the people they love the most.  Don't you just love the Christmas spirit.

As always, with my love x

We'll do it all Everything On our own We don't need Anything Or anyone If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world? (Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol)

This is a beautiful song.  My Meg played this on her clarinet for my friend's wedding.  She played it as they walked up the aisle, so it has fond and sad memories as it was before the start of all the heartache.  Yet, this is still a wonderful song.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  You know the routine now. Up, showered and off to Fat Club.  All going very, very well and we are both so pleased with ourselves and each other. Home, fed and off to the shops for our weekly shopping.  I am saving loads of money.  

I am getting stressed now about tomorrow.  I won't mention tomorrow yet as that is only going to add to how I am feeling. Shopping done and it was time to have some quiet time, just chilling.

Sunday:  Difficult day today.  I returned to Staffordshire.  I went to meet a dear friend who was a Lecturer at the University and used to teach my subject. It was a big decision to make. I always said I would not be able to return to Stoke. So I didn't.  I went to Stafford.  By the time I got to Lichfield the memories, some good, some not so good, started to flood back.  I used to work at Lichfield. I could feel myself getting very anxious by the time the train rolled into Stafford.  My friend was there to met me and we decided to go to Stone. Stone is around 8 miles away from Stoke.  That was near enough.

Now Stone is normally a small town, where not much happens.  But of course not, not today.  It was their Food Festival and the place was so busy.  I cannot

deny, I was very anxious.  We found a little bistro type bar and stayed there. I did have to smile as I paid for the lunch (much to my friend's annoyance) and it was so cheap.  I thought, 'Ah I remember the north now'.  It was OK. We laughed and chatted away and the time soon flew by.

We returned to her car and a grabbed a suitcase full of books which will be of great use to my course I am sure. I decided to get the train from Stone saving my friend driving all the way back to Stafford.  Good job I did, it was so busy. The journey home was long but hey, I did it.  Would I like to do it again? Not for a while.  I got off the tube and was back in my noisy, dirty, diverse, lively, chaotic neighbourhood ....... I was home.  All the while travelling there I could feel the life being suck out of me; as soon as I was home I felt alive. London really does give me life.

As always, with my love x

So kiss me and smile for me Tell me that you'll wait for me Hold me like you'll never let me go (Leaving on a Jet Plane - John Denver)

This month I am going to do something different. I am going to focus on travel songs.  This will come apparent by the end of the month (which may be extended).  This song reminds me of my dear friend Steve as they played this at his funeral.  It really touched a nerve for me as I was due to move to London a few weeks later.  So as always, enjoy!

Monday:  So today it starts. I am officially a student.  The course I used to dream of studying is now coming true.  I am starting my Master's degree. I was nervous but excited to meet my peers.  I was not disappointed; they are a colourful bunch.  Needless to say, I am probably the oldest.  I loved it.  I was like a little sponge, soaking it all up.  It is going to be hard work, so much reading, but that means so much learning. I intend soaking up every little bit of it.

Tuesday:  This evening Andy and I went to the Festival Hall on the Southbank to see Marc Almond.  We waited in the foyer and watched people and we were not disappointed.  I could see my whole two years studying and dissertation

rolling out in front of me. Marc Almond was absolutely fantastic. He has such a good voice and sung for 2.5 hours - song after song after song.  He also sung my favourite song Jackie and for just a few moments I was a diva, I was Jackie! A wonderful evening and fond memories.

Wednesday:  Busy day followed by reading course material.  Finally, time to kick back and we watched all the trashy TV we have missed.  It is funny, well not funny, tragic really how television can play out your life.  I wished someone had warned me about the ending of Dr Foster.  It was far too near real life for my liking.  Oh well, onwards and upwards.

Watched The Apprentice, I don't know why.  They are a bunch of people who need a good shake.  I would hate to be driven totally by money.  When will people learn that making loads of money is not the be all and end all of everything.  Some of the most priceless experiences in life are those you cannot buy.

Thursday:  It is getting cold.  I was cold last night and the winter duvet will be going on this weekend and I feel the heating will be going on too this evening. The heavens opened this morning then followed by a bright, sunny day. Crazy weather.  Quiet day, but all is well.

Friday:  Sad day today as a dear work colleague, who works at one of the hospitals left today.  It is such a shame as she and her other colleague, have always made me feel so welcome.  But this is a good move for her and she will do well; even though I will be sad to see her go.  But life has taught me that people come into your life for one, two or fifty seasons then they leave. I guess it is all part of the journey.  So let's have the weekend.

As always, with my love x

It was all so cozy for you You had a wife, two children And a beautiful house And me, well you wanted me (A Lover Spurned - Marc Almond)

Well another month, and artist has been and gone.  I know, it scares me too. So I will leave you with this final track from Marc Almond.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Weigh in and we did well.  Andy has been away organising a conference for the past few days and was worried about how he had done.  He had nothing to worry about and once again, we are within a pound of each for our total weight loss.  We are doing well.

Caught my favourite 188 bus up to Russell Square for Orientation Day at my college.  I was a tad disappointed that no one gave me a Pot Noodle or some condoms, but instead I come away with two tote bags and pens.  It was really interesting, I sat in on some lectures about the library, IT, critical thinking and studying at post graduate level.  All really interesting and really worth my whole going.  I also did a recce on where I need to be for my first seminar on Monday. All very exciting but still terrifying.

Back home and shopping done, time to chill out.

Sunday:  I treated myself to a quiet morning then studied from 11.00am until 4.00pm and confusing myself in the process.  This is good.  The fact that I am questioning my thoughts and the thoughts of others is a positive thing; even though it ties me up in complete knots.  I packed my bag already for college tomorrow night and I must admit, I am a bit scared but I am also looking forward to meeting my peers.

After all that reading, and boy there is a lot of reading, it was time to sit back and chill.  We cooked a curry for our dinner and lovely it was too.

So starts another chapter in my life. It is going to be hard work but I am not adverse to that and it will all be worth it in the end.

As always, with my love x

I fantasise what might have been My dreams are endless We love each other but it seems The love is only in my dreams It's so one sided But in this life I must confess The search for love and hapiness Is unrequited (What Makes A Man - Marc Almond)

Such a beautiful, beautiful song with heartwarming lyrics, sung with such a beautiful voice.  It always sounds to me that it belongs in a musical.  I hope he sings it when I go to see him in a couple of weeks.  I think I might even cry if he does.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  A really dull Monday morning ..... sigh. I had to venture out to meet someone and grabbed a coffee then back home and back to work.  Managed to get some studying done later afternoon.  Not sure I know what I am reading but I guess it will all come to light ...... eventually.

My last quiet Monday night (as my University classes this term are on a Monday).  I started watching Jack Whitehall and his gab year with his Father. They were in Bangkok.  Oh I love that city and I got quite homesick.  They went on to see the Bridge on the River Kwai.  It really brought back memories of my travels.  Where is the time going?

Tuesday:  Busy day today with work, flu jab, studying and pedicure resulted in me getting home at 7.20.  I felt it was food then bed.  However, a very productive day.  I am really anxious about my studying and I know, in my heart, it will be OK but it all seems a bit terrfying at the moment.  Oh well, no turning back now is there.

Wednesday:  The mornings are so dark now and the weeks are flying off the calendar.  September is almost over and we are at hump day yet again.  I am home alone for a few days as Andy is organising a conference in Manchester. As for me, well I had to work this evening. So all in all, a pretty meh day.  Especially when I had an awful journey home in the rain!

Thursday:  The rain continued all night and there are damp leaves everywhere this morning.  Busy day at work, running around London saving the world.   I wonder who is here to save me!

Late afternoon I caught the bus up to University. I had to take a book back and wanted to get some more.  I turned the corner and walked into a vibrant, .  I got a bit upset to be honest. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be studying for my Masters at Birkbeck.  I remember all those hours studying in Stoke.  Yellow post its, marker pens, Hetty love her, asleep in her basket beside me.  Like now, I got a bit upset.  It just brought back so many mixed emotions.

I found the books I wanted and what a eclectic mix they are and found a desk and studied.  I had to pinch myself that it was really happening.  Well technically it is not happening yet, not until Monday but you know what I mean.  I guess some dreams do come true.  You just have to believe in them.

Friday:  Busy day work wise, with me avoiding cake at every turn.  It was coffee morning day and everyone was eating cake!  But not me; strawberries and coffee I was fuelled by and how smug did I feel when it was bed time.

So a busy weekend coming up, well parts of it and all in all, not a bad week.

As always, with my love X