Here I am, prayin' for this moment to last, livin' on the music so fine, borne on the wind, makin' it mine. (Night Fever - Bee Gees)

Well I had to finish off with this one didn't I? I just love this song and film and it kind of fits as I was looking for male escorts on line this evening, as you do.  It is amazing what you can order on line.  It is like Deliveroo but in a completely different way.  I was going to empty my pot of 2p and 5p and bag it up.  I was also looking for buy one get one free or half price so me and Andy could go halves. But no joy. I did think of using the track, 'How deep is my love' but thought better of it!  Ah London life.  As always, enjoy!

Saturday:  The weather is like winter.  It really does not make you feel like dragging yourself out.  But I did.  My friend Emma and loaned me her V&A membership and I have loaned her my Tate.  So today I went to see the Pink Floyd exhibition.

Free ride on the bus as the Oyster Card machine was not working but the museums were rammed full of visitors from around the world.  I did not have to queue as I had membership and was given headphones which guided you around the exhibition.  The only problem always is, they let too many people in and children.  I do not do small children very well these days.  Especially, middle class, winging ones.  All that aside, the exhibition was brilliant.  I was late joining the part that is Pink Floyd but my dear old Uncle Brian loved them.  I did get quite emotional at one point thinking of him as he would have absolutely loved it.  It is very visual, interactive and loud and I would really recommend it if you are coming to London.

I was going to go on elsewhere afterwards but guess what?  It was raining and I mean raining.  So I come home and caught up on shit TV, which mirrored the weather as I looked outside of the window.  Come back summer, I miss you. So a quiet evening, checking out the gigolos and lots of laughter.  Sunday: Spent the morning   packing, but more about that tomorrow. But the passport is out, just in case.  We had decided to go out for lunch today.  There is something rather lovely about a Sunday Lunch don't you think?  It was Andy's idea but I got to chose, so we went to the Mayflower in Rotherhithe. This is such a lovely part of London, steep in social history and if only those walls of the buildings could talk!

We went to one of my favourite pubs, The Mayflower.  Such a beautiful, old pub and the food is so good.  We totally pigged out and washed it all down with gin. Our table overlooked the Thames and I still find it hard to believe that this is my home.  So it was lovely food, good gin and great company.

We caught the good old 188 bus home and missed the round London bike race that has been going on all day.  So inconvenient as almost every bridge across the river has been closed at some point.  Finished off my packing and charging of phone, iPad and getting 'stuff' together.  We then sat down to watch Dirty Dancing as I have never seen that film and still haven't as Einstein had only recorded part of it.  However, it is on again this evening so hopefully, it will not be like most films I only see parts of.

Finished off the weekend by watching good old Bruce Willis in a Die Hard film. It was scary how young everyone looked.  Obviously, unlike me, who is still only 29.

As always, with my love x

I believe in you You know the door to my very soul You're the light in my deepest darkest hour You're my saviour when I fall And you may not think I care for you When you know down inside That I really do (How Deep Is Your Love - Bee Gees)

Another Bee Gee's classic. There are just so many you really do forget.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Terrible night's sleep again and the weather is like October and it is only Monday.  I was out tonight.  It is my friend Hannah's birthday and along with her sister, Emma, we all met up in Soho and went out to dinner.  We went to Mildred's a restaurant that has been on my bucket list for months to visit. I was not disappointed. The food is wonderful and all vegetarian or vegan.  So for once, I could have anything on the menu.  Such a treat.  We all had a lovely evening. Plenty of chatting and so much laughter and it was great to meet up as it has been ages.  Such a lovely evening and what a start to the week.

Tuesday:  Busy day work wise but all good.  I have been catching up on my sleep the last couple of days, I think it is because the weather has changed and it is cooler.  Quiet night catching up on chat and TV.  We watched Coached Trip and decided that we would be hysterical on it.  Can you image, what a laugh that would be.

Wednesday:  Long day, working from home and home alone in the evening. But it was OK as it reminds me how lucky I am to laugh most days with my best friend.

Thursday:  Really good day at work today.  We had a team meeting at a lovely venue and I really enjoyed it.  The power has shifted again and I am enjoying my work and working with my peers.  We went to play softball afterwards. I didn't as I am able to breathe at the moment and I want it to stay that way. Needless to say, it rained and I mean rain. So off myself and a colleague went to the pub where we watched our colleagues run around Vauxhall Pleasure Gardens like lunatics.  

They soon joined us and the whole even collapsed into hysterical laughter.  It was a really good night and I enjoyed myself.  Back home and straight to bed. It had been a really good day.

Friday:  Not working too far from home today so called into a little cafe that I use now and then and treated myself to brunch.  However, I just wanted to go to sleep afterwards and not work.  Worked at a local hospital with some colleagues and we all had that Friday feeling.  So plenty of laughter. Then went to have my feet done.  They look amazing and normal. I am so pleased with them I wanted to show them off.  But guess what?  It is raining.

As always, with my love x

I live and I breathe for you But what good does it do If I ain't got you, ain't got? Hey babe (To Love Somebody - Bee Gees)

The good thing about focusing on a particular artist is you forget all the great songs they have had.  I found this one again and I remember how lovely the words are.  So as always, enjoy.

Saturday:  I was awake at silly o'clock again, but dossed  in bed for ages. It is rather a nice treat.  Up and cleaned the rest of the flat.  Got Andy to climb up and clean the kitchen window lol. It looks lovely now (the window and the flat) and all done in case I have a relapse re actually being able to breath.

I was going out to the library to do some reading but it was a grey, wet morning and by the time I had made a phone call and then showed it was 1.30 so I thought I would just stay at home catching up on life laundry.  Fantastic news late last night as I heard that my dear friend Jackie (who now lives in NZ) has become a Grandma.  Her son Patrick (who I remember being 6) and his partner Sophie have the most gorgeous daughter to adore and love.  I am so pleased for all of them, but do have to ask myself where does the time go.  Wonderful news.

Lovely afternoon getting back into the grove with studying.  There is no need

too at the moment and it was a good feeling.  Even though I am looking up so many words.  Classic FM, tea in a Blue Italian cup and saucer and a good book. It really was quite lovely.

Quiet evening and oh yes, I have a date for tomorrow.  The first one since the Dave debacle. Obviously, the steroids are working.  Don't go off rushing to buy a hat.

Sunday:  Absolutely awful nights sleep.  My little mind was working overtime all through the night.  In fact, I awoke at 3.33 (of course I did) with another idea for my dissertation (which does not have to be finalised until February!)  I was looking around for a piece of paper and a pen to right down my thoughts. It was my own fault.  I went to bed and could not sleep so had a slice of quiche.  You know what they say about having cheese at bedtime.

Washed and dressed and off I went for date.  He was very nice.  Spent two hours sitting in the Embankment Gardens drinking coffee and chatting and laughing away. Very relaxing.  I am not over analysing it. I can't.  I need my analysing skills for my Master's lol.  Received a text saying he was pleased to meet me and thought I had the most lovely blue eyes.  This made me smile, as I remember when I did not smile and when my eyes were grey.  We have agreed to meet up again and just see where it goes.

I met Andy over the Southbank.  I had asked him to bring one of the three

books I have on the go over with him.  I knew he was meeting his friends today at the Royal Festival Hall.  They were going to a Star Trek concert.  Popped in to say hello to his friends and Craig scared the living daylights out of me.  He was dressed as Dr Spook.  Little lamb!  I could say at this point that this was my date for the afternoon as I may be better off with an alien.

Left them to it and went and sat outside at the Southbank Centre and read my book for an hour then walked home.  Now this is amazing. I actually had the energy and breath to walk. Not only that, but I called into the supermarket for the obligatory bag of shopping and managed to get all the way up the stairs without collapsing. The drugs really do work.  Sat and read and just chilled out for the rest of the evening.

It has been an eventful weekend.

As always, with my love x

Islands in the stream That is what we are No one in-between How can we be wrong Sail away with me to another world And we rely on each other, ah-ah From one lover to another, ah-ah (Islands in the Stream - Bee Gees)

I love this song. This song always reminds me of my dear friend Steve who I used to work with.  I went out with him one night with his partner and friends to their local pub and really do not remember getting home.  We sang karaoke to this and we were terrible but thought we were so good.  He always used to call me gorgeous and gave the best hugs ever!  When I used to get to work on Monday and had a terrible weekend living in exile; he used to hold me so tight. I miss him terribly.  He died just before I come to live in London, far too young. So here's to you Steve you will always be my Dolly!  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  A very eventful day.  This afternoon I had an interview at Birkbeck College.  To say I was nervous would be a slight understatement.  However, there was no need to be.  Dr Carmen Mangion is the Department Head and it was her who I had met at the Open Evening and she remembered me.  She said it was great to see me again and that my Personal Statement was one of the best she had every received. I was really taken back.  They are still awaiting a reference from my employer but she was happy to give me an offer there and then.  I told her I was delighted, excited and terrified.  Very much how I have lived the past six years.

I come out of her office and cried. It was a tad emotional to be honest. This was the course I could only dream of when I was studying for my undergraduate degree.  I lived in the North, there was no way I could get down to London each week to study.  It was never going to happen and now it is.  I just thought it was sad that terrible events had to happen for something good to come from it. I guess it was another one of those pinch yourself moments. Who would have thought it, me studying for my Master's.  Now what shall I do my dissertation on?

Back home and Andy was so pleased and proud of me, so I cried again.  Just emotions all over the place but its OK. So finally, at the ripe old age of 29 (57 as I will be then) I will have the student/university experience and I intend enjoying every minute of it.

Tuesday:  Very close again in London and I had to trek out to virtually Bromley. I knew I was in the sticks as I could smell grass!  What a journey.  It was also so close too.  I was pleased to get home.  Quiet evening which resulted in a thunder storm at 2.00am.

Wednesday:  Busy but productive day and very overcast and stormy skies which resulted in .........nothing.  Had the first wobble of the University

studying.  I engaged, once again, with the work of Judith Butler.  There was not one page where I did not have to look up a word!  In the end I wrote down the words (with meanings) that I did not know and now intend using them in my first essay.  Very daunting though.  But its OK, I will do this.  I had my conditional offer in today and emailed my manger for the reference. He come back to me and will get it done by the end of the week.  So the journey beginnings.

Thursday:  Day started with a chest x-ray to eliminate anything sinister re: continual cough then spent the day working at the hospital.  I do this once a month.  It was good to share some banter and laughs with colleagues.  Finished the afternoon off by having a lovely manicure.  Back home started to get my head around the wonderful world of Judith Butler.  I am sure we are going to be the best of friends by Christmas.

Friday:  Good day today. Productive work wise and at home. Cleaned all the windows and washed the nets and started a bit of a Spring clean.  You can tell I am feeling better as I have more energy and are not coughing.  I know it is the steroids and are rather anxious about what happens when I stop taking them, so making the most of it whilst I have the breath and the energy.  Just a bloody nuisance.

Went to bed and saw that Goodfellas was on the TV again.  I saw part of this when I was seeing Dave and thought it was a good film.  Since then, I have seen bits of it then fell asleep and once again, tonight was no different.  It looks such a good film and I will now buy it on DVD so I can actually watch it from start to finish.

Oh and since I decided to use this song this week, I have heard it three times on the radio.  Steve, my dear friend, you are still with me - all my live and hogs x

As always, with my love x

Here I lie In a lost and lonely part of town Held in time In a world of tears I slowly drown Going home I just can't make it all alone I really why should be holding you, holding you Loving you, loving you (Tragedy - The Bee Gees)

This is Andy's choice of Bee Gee's song.  Obviously, he remembers Step's version but at least he was aware that it was a Bee Gees song.  I bet you sing along.

Saturday:  I was working today.  Yes, I know.  I was promoting my work at the Lambeth Show and it rained.  Of course it did.  I went to the Lambeth Show my first summer in London and really enjoyed it. I did not see much of it today, but it reinforced my theory that people never cease to amaze me.  Now call me old fashioned, and perhaps this is why my daughter hates me, but she as always taught to say please and thank you and to never just help herself.  I did not see much of this today.

When I got home I was so tired.  I had done nothing but cough, cough, cough again on the journey home.  I cannot tell you how much it exhausts me.  It really is impacting on my life now.  Watched a catch up programme about Game of Thrones (which starts again on Monday), which put me back in the zone and I can now remember where we are with it all.

Sunday:  Up earlyish again today as I was volunteering for the first time.  The thing is, when you have been a volunteering manager for over 20 years it gives you the advantage of seeing things from the other side of the fence.  All I am going to say is, I caught three busses to go to Stoke Newington.  Now let me stop this here.  I said after the Dave date in Stoke Newington that I would not go to anywhere with Stoke in it's name again.  But I wanted to do my charitable thing.  I should have listened to my gut feeling; I should always listen to my gut feeling.  So no volunteering done (I will be having words) and back home.  I would have stayed out if I had my book with me, but I obviously was not expecting this.

Back home and I watched the tennis and had a very typical lazy Sunday.

As always, with my love x

My baby moves at midnight Goes right on till the dawn My woman takes me higher My woman keeps me warm (You Should Be Dancing - Bee Gees)

Oh John Travolta is such a mover.  Just to dance once like that in my lifetime and be able to walk again afterwards would be so lovely. I remember when he danced with Princess Diana thinking oh I wish that was me.  So shoes off girls and dance away.  I guess we can all dream.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  You know you are going to crash and burn when you have had such a great weekend.  I was up early as the plumber was supposed to be coming; they cancelled and I could have stayed in bed for another hour!  Not impressed.
Fortunately, working from home today and was really busy (of course I was). Submitted my application for University today and so now the wait continues. All work done and dusted and I was in my room, in bed for 7.30 and promptly asleep by 8.30.  One tired little bunny.

Tuesday:  Busy day again but all good.  I also received notification from my University application inviting me in for an interview next week.  I guess this means they are not looking to get references for me as I would need these before being invited to interview.  All exciting, yet still terrifying, stuff.

The weather has finally broken and the rain arrived.  Much easier to sleep tonight and once again, I was safe in the arms of Orpheus very early.

Wednesday: Tonight I went to the theatre with a woman I work with and with Andy.  Andy knows here too.  We me at Charing Cross Road and went for dinner at a lovey Italian restaurant in Soho.  Ian, we shall eat there next time you come to London.  It was such a lovely meal; simple but tasty food. Tonight we went to see Girls the stage production which is based on the film, Calendar Girls. The music was by Gary Barlow and Tim Firth. To be perfectly honest I was not sure what to expect, but it was so good. The second part, when they get their clothes off, was hysterical and I was laughing and trying not to get into a coughing fit (cough still not right - it has only been 4 months now!). Unfortunately, the show closes this Saturday as I would recommend you go and see it if you can.  There is no indication it is going on tour, as it would do so well in the provincial theatres.

Thursday:  Really busy day today.  The charity I work for had a London Takeover Day, which is really what it says on the tin. We were all dispatched to various parts of London to fund-raise. Our team were dispatched to King's Cross.  I always knew I would find my vocation sooner, rather than later, and today it was me dressed in my tutu and tiara standing on a street corner in King's Cross.  25 years ago I would have made some business and today was no exception.  Apart from three women, all the people who come up to me to put money in my tin were blokes, and some very nice and easy on the eye ones too. One actually said 'I like the tutu'.

Much to a colleagues amusement a bloke come up to me and said I was beautiful and he would like to take me out and gave me his phone number. I could have died.  I was so polite (he was not my type). My colleague thought it was hysterical and when one of the senior managers said she was delighted that someone had put £20 in her tin, I said I could beat that as I had got a bloke's phone number she screamed with laughter.  So that will get around the office and so it should. Go me.  This is going to be my new game plan; hang around in my tutu and tiara on street corners and see who or what I can pick up.

Friday:  Quiet morning then on TOIL this afternoon.  I sat and watched Upstairs Downstairs and oh how I love that programme.  I have seen it so many times I almost know the words.  I said to Andy (as he was off too) that I will be Lady Elizabeth and he can be Murphy, my trusted manservant.  I will leave it to you to imagine what his response was.  When I win the lottery and we are living in Bloomsbury, he shall be different.

Spent some time playing Crash Bandicoot on the Playstation (Andy's game).  I am now on Level 3; go me!  Meg used to have this on her Playstation 1 when she was around 7.  She was so good at it; I am not. I did think to myself, Meg if only you could see your Mum now.  Mind you, I think that most days about one thing or another.

Couldn't be bothered to cook this evening so ordered in pizza and very nice it was too.  Quiet evening in alone (Andy was out with friends) but it was nice just to relax to be honest.

As always, with my love x

And how can you mend a broken heart? How can you stop the rain from falling down? How can you stop the sun from shining? What makes the world go round? (How Can You Mend A Broken Heart - The Bee Gees

This is such a beautiful song. Rich, moving lyrics and a tune that just flows. Put your feet up and enjoy the moment.

Saturday:  Someone, who has known me from the day I come into this world, said to me yesterday that I was brave. I have heard this before. I am not brave. I just get on with things, because that is the only choice I have.  This weekend, I intended making new memories.

Today is Pride in London.  This is one of the most happiest days, each year, in my life.  To see so many people, just being them, getting on with it fills my heart with so much love.  Once again, my adopted community welcomed me into their arms and I loved it.  We had to wait ages this year to join the parade but eventually we started moving.  I have never hugged, kissed and smiled at so many people.  Three people just put their arms around me and hugged me so tight; random strangers enjoying the day. No judgement, no pre-conceived assumptions - just love.  That is all it is, love.  So much love and happiness. 

I was thinking 31 years ago when someone come out to me, it was all so different then.  I went with them to the only gay pub in the area where I was living. I stood out like a spare thumb.  We then went to the night club which was gay night once a month!  Up some dark stairs and knocked on a door and were let in.  It was such a great night, brilliant music.  But oh so different than now. I have seen this transition in my lifetime, yet there is still so much more to do. I love the gay community, they have been and always will be, so very dear to my heart.  Today was no exception.

After the parade we ended up in pub with some of Andy's friend, who soon become my fiends, plus some people none of us knew but soon were talking and laughing with. We drunk, laughed, drunk with me, as usual, falling off my chair lol! It was so much fun.  But by now we were so tired so made our way home as London was still a blaze of rainbow. The atmosphere was electric, so happy, so safe, so loving. London really blows me away, you can be who you want.

Chips from the chip shop downstairs (as you do when you have been on the lager and gin) and then very tired, but oh so happy, to bed.  Just a lovely, memory day and one that I will carry with me always.  The Gays know how to throw a party!


London is an amazing place to live and I think Sadiq Khan the Mayor of London summed it up:  'In London you can love who you want to love and you can be whoever you want to be'.  This is the London I love and this is why it just feels like home. It is the place that has given me my life back.

So I wonder what Sunday will bring .........




Sunday:  No hangovers for either or us - yay!  But no food in the house either. If only the Tesco across the road would deliver.  We ended up ordering in breakfast.  Yes you did read that right.  I have never done it before, but it was all too much effort this morning. So a lovely cooked breakfast of eggs, vegetables followed by pancakes.  I wanted to go back to bed after eating that. But I cannot. Andy went out to visit some friends and I was home alone.  This evening, me, myself and I are going to see U2!

I have followed this band since 1992. They are the only men who have remained in my life for so long.  I wanted to go when the ticket come out, but they were so expensive. But on Thursday night I was looking on line and got myself and expensive bargain (if that makes sense). They are being supported by the gorgeous Noel Gallagher, so it is a win, win, situation.  The last time I saw U2 was in a past life, we all had a great evening. So tonight, once again, I will be making new memories.  This is the Joshua Tree tour, 30 year since that album was released.  I remember buying it like yesterday. 30 years gone just like that.  It should be an amazing experience.  However, I am a tad anxious about getting home from Twickenham.  I bet I don't get in until around 2.00am.

Well I had a fantastic time.  Noel Gallagher was ace it it turned into a mini Oasis concert. I could tell it was a full moon as strange things were happening.  U2 come on to The Whole Of The Moon by the Waterboys; this is my song, my theme song.  Of course it is.  U2 were absolutely brilliant. They played a few songs that I had not heard for years and ironically, the lyrics are more poignant now than in 1982 when it was released. So many 'coincidences' that were really strange. I brilliant evening.

The transport home was OK and I finally got in around 1.15, so not too bad really.  I have had the most brilliant weekend.  I am now totally skint for the next few weeks but I really do not care; I have had fun and this weekend was the first time all year since I have really let my hair down.  Wonderful new memories.

I will leave you with probably my favourite photo from Pride. This person called me over at the bottom of Piccadilly Circus. He was telling me that he was so thankful for all the work 'I' do and how 'I' had helped him and his family when they needed it the most.  I was so touched. We hugged and kissed. This photo shows all you need is love.  It is that simple; it is just love.

As always, with my love x