Don't you know that The years will come and go Some of us will change our lives Some of us still have nothing to show Nothing, baby But memories And if these wounds They are self-inflicted I don't really know How my poor heart could have protected me But if I have to carry this pain (Waiting For The Day - George Michael)

I was not going to blog this weekend. I am taking time out for me and just could not find the emotional energy to write anything. Then I thought it is George month and he would be able to sum it all up.  The thing is, things you thought you had dealt with, moved on from can just be brought back into your life because of the kindness of others and how you deal with it.  I am not coping with it well at the moment.  I do not like January. It is grey, it is cold and I have Megan's birthday to cope with.  If that was not enough, that day is the very last day of January. Then throw in a bit of extra crap and you have the perfect recipe for just wanting to get my new shiny passport and run away and leave all the heartache, tears, sleepless nights and anxiety.  But you don't; you stay and poor old Andy sees it all.  Warts and all.  The sad thing is, most of it could all be avoided.  So George, thank you my friend, this song sums it all up.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  When you think your head is hosting the whole of Battersea Dog's home the American elect that fuckwit.  Today I had to make a stand. I was anxious; I woke up anxious and was convinced that today was the day I would bump into Megan.  Today I was going to march in the Woman's March in London. Part of me wanted to see her as then I knew I would have done a good job; however, the other part of me was so anxious.  Andy had decided he was going to come with me.  He said it was only right for two reasons. Firstly, because for years I have been standing up for the gays and having my voice heard and secondly, it is because it is about equality for all.

We got to the American Embassy and it was freezing.  There were so may people there - such a selection.  It was cold but sunny and we marched and we made our point and it felt good.  I felt proud to be a woman. However, I did think that I really should not still be having to do this.  We then went to Picturehouse Central to see La La Land.  Ironically, I feel that I am living in La La Land at the moment so it seemed kind of apt that we went. It was good and I can see what all they hype is about. Its a lovely story (just what I needed to cheer me up, still it is Trainspotting 2 next week so that will shake it up a bit) and we were both pleased that we went.  I do not know what I would do without that boy, I really would't.

Sunday:  I was awake at 6.00am, why are you surprised to read that.  I went out as I needed to go out.  I did not have a clue where I was going,  I just wanted to walk. And walk I did. I walked from my flat to Bethnal Green which is about 3 miles.  It was a beautiful blue skied morning, but cold again.  I still did not know where I was going when I got there and was intending to go onto Victoria Park to read my book, but I went to the Museum of Childhood instead which was a mistake.  It was full of children; of course it was. On my way back to get a bus I noticed this memorial about a bomb raid in the Second World War. It amazes me that there is so much history around me in London. I got a coffee and then caught the bus back, stopping off to get some Japanese food for dinner.

Back home it was time to check the bank statement, which let's face it is just adding more misery so may as well go the whole hog!  Then typing up my blog which I really did not have the energy or love to do. But here it is. This time will pass and I am sure that all my creative juices, well dribble, will return.

As always, with my love x