Lippy kids on the corner again Lippy kids on the corner begin settling like crows Though I never perfected that simian stroll But the cigarette scent, it was everything then Do they know those days are golden? Build a rocket boys! (Lippy Kids - Elbow)

A beautiful song about childhood memories.  A time when everything felt so simple, no stress, no worries. Precious memories.  I heard Elbow at Glastonbury last night and had my own little gig in my room. Guy Garvey has the most amazing voice and the lyrics are just pure joy.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  I slept like a baby ....... finally.  I think it was after the day out, the sunshine, the blanket at the window. Bliss. Usual lazy start to Saturday catching up on Versailles, which is now finished.  What shall I do?  Bed changed, washing on, vacuum cleaner put round. The weather was as confused as me.  I nipped up to Sainsbury's to get some food as the fridge was very bare.  Back home and I had a 'Life Laundry' day. Someone shared that phase with me and it is so appropriate.

First job, bank statement, pay rent, bills then survive on what is left. Second job, update blog.  Third job ......... work on application for university.  Now who would have thought I would have ever be saying that again.  Exciting by terrifying; a contradiction just like the weather today.

Sunday:  Working today.  Yes, you did read that correctly.  It was OK and the day went really quick to be honest.  Lazy evening but a terrible night's sleep again.  I do not think I will be late out of bed Monday night.

So a pretty non-eventful weekend in some ways; yet totally bonkers in others. C'est la vie.

As always, with my love x

Go straight to the place where you first lost your balance And find your feet with the people that you love and Bring us in an indigo dawn with the lovelorn and renegade You with the eyes ever met not forgotten (Real Life - Elbow)

One of my favourite Elbow songs because of the lyrics and the lines I have chosen are really appropriate for this week's events.  Such a lovely song.  As always enjoy.

Monday:  Phew, it's a scorcher and only I could arrange to visit two people, miles away from each other, on the hottest day of the year.  It was around 31-32 degrees today and it was hot.  I was on and off buses all day and was quite happy to finally get home and jump, once again, into the shower.  I will not complain about it, it is lovely. I just which I did not have to 'function' in it. 

Usual madness tonight. We have a fan in the flat and it hates me. I pick it up to move it and things drop off it or it does not blow in the direction I want it too. We sat there most of the evening before Andy noticed that once again, I had moved the fan and it was just blowing into the wall.  I really do not know how he puts up with me.  We did laugh as once again, he moved it to the right position without anything dropping off it!

Tuesday:  Another scorcher and working from home, with said fan, put in the right position by Andy before he left for work, but this time, something had dropped off for him.  It hates me that fan.  Busy day, they always are when I work from home but I was determined to stagger up the shopping centre to get some human contact.

So home alone this evening as Andy has an 'overnighter' with work.  So tonight I will be able to sleep with my bedroom door open ....... yay!

Wednesday:  Incredibly hot in London. 33 degrees today and I have been struggling with my breathing. Things were getting better on the new medication, but this weather has really been a challenge.  I love the hot weather, but not when I am struggling to breathe.  I am back at the GP's on Monday so it will be mentioned in dispatches.

I had to work late today and left the office at 9.00 and walked towards Parliament to catch the bus.  I still have to pinch myself that this is now my life; a city life.  It has been a miserable year so far: bad back, the 'tooth' saga, ongoing issues with breathing (goodness knows that is all about), disappointments with relationships (the start of the year) and career progression.  It has just been miserable. So today is the longest day and let's hope the next part of the year gives me a break and things improve.

Thursday:  It is a great deal cooler today, around 25 degrees and fortunately, my breathing is much improved. Working from home today and getting all those jobs done 'workwise' that never get done.  

This afternoon/evening I went to Birkbeck's Open Day.  When I was studying for my degree I wanted to go on to study for my Master's at Birkbeck and I can remember saying to JF how can I get down to London one evening a week for two years.  It was impossible.  Now I can catch the 188 bus outside of my flat that takes me from door to door.  I was quite nervous attending this (on my own of course, everything is on my own) but I sat and spoke to the Director of the course I was, and always have, been interested in and I was sold.  I am normally so cautious about things, especially financial things. But for once I thought sod it!  Just do it.  I looked around the campus and fell in love with the library.  I met other students and spoke to a lovely women who was 35 who had just finished her Masters in Criminology. Needless to say, we sat and had a good chat about the CJS and in particular women and the LGBT community.  I was home.  Finally. 

I did find it all a tad emotional to be honest and I sat in Russell Square (oh I forgot to say, Birkbeck is in Bloomsbury which is, as many of you know, my favourite part of town) thinking.  Six years ago, virtually to the day, I was in London with Megan and JF and we went to the University of London's Open Day. Birkbeck is part of the University of London ......... of course it is, why are you even surprised.  So it was a bit difficult to process.  However, the decision is made.  I will be studying for the next two years for my MSc.

Friday:  No work today as I have hours owing.  Andy was not at work either.  I was due to travel East to see someone at my volunteering, but they had to cancel at the last minute.  So Andy and I caught a train from Waterloo and went to Kew.  I have never been to Kew but Andy knew of people who had been and loved it, so he said shall we go.  It was good to get out of town for a bit.  Kew Gardens is stunning.  It really is beautiful.  We went into the huge glass house and they had plants from all over the world. There really were some strange, alien type sights.  We walked miles, going from one exhibit to another. We went into The Princess of Wales Conservatory which contained numerous climatic zones including plants such as cacti, ferns, orchids and carnivorous plants.  I liked it in there.

We went to The Hive which allowed us to step into the life of bees in a structure designed by artist Wolfgang Buttress.  It reminded me of the Reichstag in Berlin. Andy then decided that we were going on the Treetop Walkway.  I am not very good with heights but up we went, all 18 metres into the canopy of lime, sweet chestnut and oak trees.  It gave us a bird's-eye view of Kew Gardens.  It really was fun, well apart from the bloody thing wobbling which scared the living daylights out of me.

By now we were both thirsty and hungry so we went for something to eat. After this we both wanted to go to sleep!  We had a quick look around then made our way home.  When I got in, I went to lie on my bed and promptly fell asleep.  It was such a good day out.  Rounded up the evening by watching Elbow's set at Glastonbury.  I happy, memory day.

As always, with my love x

There's a hole in my neighbourhood Down which of late I cannot help but fall There's a hole in my neighbourhood Down which of late I cannot help but fall (Grounds For Divorce - Elbow)

This song makes me smile and ache. Last year I saw the 'Chinese cigarette case' mentioned in this song; but also it reminds me of me being in my study playing this song.  All that aside, a jolly good song.  Well in my opinion.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  It's hot.  I was going out today around 3.00pm so it was one of those strange mornings.  Too much time to do nothing but not enough time to do anything without ending up hot and sweaty.  I did have another offer to go out with Hannah and Emma but I had already made plans.

Went out to East Dulwich with one of my Meet Up groups.  We were going to three pubs, but I was not feeling the love.  It has been a long time since I have been out with this group and many of the 'original' people who attended no longer attend. I felt a bit out of place. Plus, the old self esteem is not exactly 100% at the moment so that doesn't help.  But hey, she dragged herself out there to be disappointed.  I was home for 9.00pm.

Sunday:  Hot again today, around 30 degrees.  I went out at lunchtime and sat in the grounds of Guy's Hospital reading my book in the shade; it was lovely. I went to light a candle for my Dad for Father's Day but there were no candles there.  I had to smile.  It could only happen to me. My Dad would have laughed too.

Walked to Borough Market, which was opened to day to help the traders make up some earnings for the time it was closed.  I saw some of the floral tributes; the first at Guy's then a few scattered around the market.  It really makes you stop and think.  Went and got my mushroom pate and had a good chat to the stall holder there about recent events.  Went for coffee where my friend Jackie and I went when she was over from New Zealand.  It is good coffee and it makes me smile as it is right opposite Bridget's flat.  I was also taught a good lesson sitting there.  A couple come and sat at the table next to me.  He was about my age and she was slight younger and Asian. He was vile. He said things like 'don't you go and spend all my money', 'look at some of these women what they are wearing, just because the sun is out', 'listen, I am telling you, you will like it' and so on and so forth.  He went to the toilet and I so wanted to say to her, look love, do one he is a knob. He come back and continued with his sexist, patriarchal runts. I really did have to stop myself for thanking him for teaching me a lesson that I am better off on my own thank stuck with a complete and utter tosser like him.   

I walked around the market again and then down Borough High Street and saw some bunting and heard some music and went up Union Street to a street party. It was one of the events in honour of Jo Cox and it was such a lovely

atmosphere. There was music and stalls and such a lovely atmosphere.  It is ironic how recently all the awful things that had happened just up the road at Borough Market; and now so much love, with people coming together.  I also found the most beautiful pottery that I really, really wanted.  However, I have nowhere to put it and I am still trying to get rid of 'stuff' let alone buying it. I had a lovely chat with the stall holder and I really hope that this lovely pottery finds a wonderful new home. I also, finally, went into Cross Bones, which was open even though it was a Sunday (it is not normally open at weekends).

This place has a very sad and checkered history.  In 1598, historian John Stow mentions a 'single woman's churchyard for medieval sex workers'.  These

women were not 'entitled' to a christian funeral. By Victorian times, Cross Bones was a pauper's burial ground, which formed part of a cholera infested slum where even the police would not go.  Cross Bones closed in 1853 as it was said to be 'completely overcharged with the dead'.  The graveyard was long forgotten until in the 1990s when London Underground built an electricity sub-station for the Jubilee Line extension.  The Museum of London archaeologists removed 148 skeletons and some of the skeletons were exhibited at the Museum.  More than 60% of the skeletons found at Cross Bones were those of children.  I sat for some time, just reflecting on how difficult life can be.  A really emotionally and thought provoking place.

Walked back home and sat in one of the 'Open Gardens' that were open to the public this weekend. I walk pass this garden so many times and it was lovely to find some shade and to sit in it today; again reading my book.  It really has been a lovely day.

As always, with my love x

When out of a doorway the tentacles stretch Of a song that I know and the world moves in slow-mo Straight to my head like the first cigarette of the day (The Bones Of You - Elbow)

Beautiful song, the music the lyrics.  It is about when you hear a song, smell a smell, see something familiar and it just takes you back to that time and that place.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  Another week in front of me.  Working from home today and I did not stop.  I tell you, I work so hard when at home.  Quiet evening with me going to my room at 8.30 and safe in the arms of Orpheus by 9.45.  Just rock and roll.

Tuesday:  In the office today for meetings and it was good to touch base. Had lunch with a dear work colleague and caught up on all the gossip and news. Really close this evening.  Andy had a bad day so I cooked macaroni cheese for dinner.  It was rather nice even if I say so myself. 

Wednesday:  Terrible news overnight.  Huge, awful fire in a block of flats in West London.  Sad stories of horrific events. Awful, just awful.  Work took me to Guy's Hospital again.  It really makes me smile and I wonder what my Dad wold make of it all.  Afterwards, myself and lead volunteers went for a drink, in a little cafe, sitting outside.  I had to laugh as it overlooked the one place where I got a parking ticket.  Back in 1991 my Dad was dying and I was in Stoke and got a call to get home quick. I drove down to London and could not find anywhere to park, so parked on a yellow line, resulting in me getting a parking ticket.  And here I was, some 26 years later, drinking diet coke, right by that place.  Madness.

Called in Borough Market as it reopened today after the terrorist attack. It was very quiet when I was there and not all the stalls were open.  I went and got my lovely olives from my favourite place but the mushroom pate stall was not opened.  I am sure it will all soon get back to 'normal'.  Called in the library on the way home as I wanted to get a couple of books on a particular subject. This resulted in me staying in the library, reading said book. I was approached by a couple in their late twenties, early thirties asking me if I would try a new app they are developing.  I was happy to help. They said they would buy me a coffee but it was fine, I had one.  I tried their app and it was really good.  I said to them that I am quite clued up on technology for my age.  They were lovely. I hope it works out well for them.

Thursday:  Another day; another hospital.  Today I was having an office day at King's Hospital.  It was really good and it was so lovely to have someone to have a conversation with.  I also got a lot of work done. Afterwards, I went to get my nails done.  It is such a lovely treat and was so pleased with it. Did what most people in London do on the way home, called in the supermarket to get something for dinner and then home.

I have just seen that Prince Harry was at Borough Market today.  Typical, just typical.  He could not have been there yesterday when I went could it.  That would be too much to ask. I think he is lovely ......... well for a ginger!  Yes, I can say that as I was living with one for over 20 years.

Friday:  Beautiful hot day today in London, but not good for being on a bus. Quiet day and evening, but all is well.

As always, with my love x

The first to put a simple truth in words Binds the world in a feeling all familiar 'Cause everybody owns the great ideas And it feels like there's a big one round the corner (New York Morning - Elbow)

A song about New York and how it was built by immigrants and about how the people who live there have a way of figuring it all out.  If only life were that simple.  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  Off to the East this morning for the second part of my voluntary work training.  I had not received an email so 'assumed' it would be the same time. Arrived at Aldgate and went into Pret for my new love: Coconut Latte and and sat and watched the world go by, because as always, I was early.  Arrived at the charity only to find I was late and that the training started at 9.30.  I am never late, it never happens. The guy who was organising it all was so apologetic I felt for him.

The training was informative and interesting and I am still trying to figure out my role in this organisation. I know there is one there for me, it is just about,

like everything else, figuring it all out.  Got back home around 6.20 and cooked my dinner.  I was talking to my friend Jackie via text in the week and she summed it all up.  I have to make every choice, every decision.  Where to go, what to do, when to do it, what to cook.  Even when I go out to eat I have to choose.  It is so lovely when someone says oh I had this and it was lovely. Someone else's choice.  I am tired of making every decision.

Sunday:  I had no intention of getting up early this morning.  I am just so tired. Andy put the 'blankie' up the window for me so that the daybreak would not wake me up.  I finally woke up properly just after 9.00am.  Watched some more car crash TV politics.  When or where will that mess end. Caught up with

Versailles and then dragged my sorry carcass out of my bed.  It is a lovely day today but I really cannot sum up the energy or enthusiasm to drag myself out. It would be no different if I was still in the North. Everyone has family or partners and spend most of their time with then. I really do not have the energy today to keep 'putting myself out there'.

So a lazy, pointless day and to top it off I really could not get to sleep this evening either.  Oh hum.

As always, with my love x

I miss your stupid face I miss your bad advice I tried to clothe your bones with scratches, Super 8s, exaggerated stories and old tunes But never by the moon But not the state I'm in (The Night Will Always Win - Elbow)

The lyrics of this song are one, which many of you will be able to relate to you. I do not sleep well these days, I haven't done so for the last six years. The lyrics talk about what goes through your mind in those early hours.  For me, normally 3.33. No matter how you try to blank your mind, those thoughts, memories, feelings always come back.  The night will always win.  As always, enjoy.

Monday:  The sirens are still going, OK not so much but I am more tuned into them today.  Working from home today, so an early start and as always, got loads done.  Felt a bit sad today to be honest. I think when you see events like Saturday night it just makes realise even more how pointless the 'Meg situation' is.  I think she really is more stubborn than Noel and Liam Gallagher!

Right on queue bad news arrives in the form of a phone call.  Not prepared to discuss it, but really had enough now of the continual struggle of getting through life.

Tuesday:  Not feeling the love today for anything. Just one more knock back on top of six year's of crap.  I know people mean well with their kind words and platitudes, but it is me living this life and I am just tired of it all now.  Not the best of days. In fact, the whole year has been challenging.  Hey ho.

Wednesday:  Long day today and finally finished work at 10.30pm.  Sigh. I did well, especially as I am not feeling the love still.  It has been a long week.

Thursday:  Yet another emergency appointment at the GPs today ...... sigh! And yet another GP to see.  But not today Satan, I am fighting back. I explained, again, ongoing issues and told them about the private medical appointment and she agreed totally that I have been let down by the surgery. New drugs as prescribed by last weeks private consultation.  The guys in the local chemist know me now, by name.  They are so lovely and agreed that totally something different.  Thank goodness I have a pre-paid prescription card and thank goodness for the NHS.  Fingers crossed that these drugs work as this is getting very, very miserable and exhausting now.

Work done an dusted and I went to vote.  It really was quite busy.  As usual, I posted my ballot and looked up to thank all those women who gave up so much to give me the right to vote.  I will never forget them.  Some of you may know, others not, that when I finally graduated (after six years continual study with the Open University) I received my degree wearing purple, green and white - the colours of the Women's Social and Political Party.  I definitely would have been a suffragette! 

Friday:  It really has not been a good week for so many reasons. Not feeling great today, cough still getting in the way and generally feeling just so tired. I was awake most of the night watching the car crash of the general election.  I want to think it never happened and for once, I did sleep and all of this has been a terrible dream.  It was not.  I was working at Millbank today and the area was just full of TV crews from all over the place.  Really.  The world, especially Europe, must just be laughing their socks off at this utter chaos. What a bloody mess.  Sums up a lot of things really.

As always, with my love x

I have an audience with the pope and I'm saving the world at eight but if she says she needs me she says she needs me everybody is going to have to wait (Audience With The Pope - Elbow)

I am saving the world at eight! Well not at eight but this has been a charitable weekend in more ways than one.  Which is ironic really as it is Volunteer's Week. As many of you may know, I have spent most of my career working with volunteers and I have always said, they are the backbone of our society and many things would never take place with out the time and dedication volunteers give to various charities and organisations.  So to all of you, who are saving the world at eight, or any other time - thank you!  As always, enjoy.

Saturday:  No lazy start today. No sitting in bed drinking coffee and watching Versailles. Today I was up early, washed and dressed on the bus to the East. Today I started my training for my voluntary work.  I made this decision to volunteer a few weeks ago.  I have the time and you know me, always want to help people.  I remember Megan saying when she was in around Year 2 that her Daddy makes things with wood and her Mummy helps people.  I am sure she would have a completely different opinion now.

The irony of this tale is, where I volunteer is literally a stones throw (you can see it) from her University.  How cruel can fate be.  I really enjoyed the training and it was good to meet some different and interesting people.  I did not go straight home but stayed on the bus and went to Oxford Street.  I was going to buy a gift for someone but spent the money on new clothes.  Something that Andy thinks is hysterical and is going to remind me at every occasion.  So I purchased a new summer top and a summer frock.  I will address and re-balance this tomorrow.

Andy has been a good wife today.  He has cleaned the cooker and done the shopping and cooked dinner; whilst I was out with other men today.  All is well. He makes a lovely wife.  I thought it only right to do the dishes.  I mean, it is only fair really, isn't it?

What should have ended in a quiet night; turned into an horrendous evening. I went into the kitchen and got a notification on my Twitter to say there was an 'incident' at London Bridge. Within 2 minutes holy hell broke loose.  I have never seen or heard as many sirens in my entire life. I live on a main thoroughfare into London and a ten minute walk to London Bridge. There were unmarked police cars crossing over the central reservation, helicopters, ambulances, police cars, vans the lot. We followed it on the news whilst looking out of the window.  Awful, just awful.  All night and morning, there were just loads and loads of people walking up the road as the emergency services had sent them our way.  The cordon had been stretched as far as the road opposite my flat. It was just awful. I finally got some sleep around 3.30am, sirens still going and woke around 6.00am watching it unfold on the news.  Words fail me. This, for me, is personal.  London Bridge and Borough Market are my neighbourhood.  This is where my library is, my dentist, I frequently go to Borough Market (OK and moan about the tourists but you get what I mean). This one was close and as always, totally pointless.  Sad times my friends; sad times.  But love ALWAYS wins.

Sunday:  I felt as if I had been up all night with a new born baby. Shattered. Watched the events on the news and answered numerous texts, messages and postings from friends in the USA to New Zealand (and in-between).  I was due to go out today and go out I will.

I met my friend Emma at the bus stop and we stopped for a sneaky coffee then caught the tube up to Maida Vale.  We were both attending a supporter's lunch for Shuktara, the little charity I support in India.  David (the founder) and I speak via Twitter and Instagram most days but have not actually met each other as he mainly lives in India. Today I met him. It was like meeting an old friend. I think he is one of the most selfless, genuine souls I have met and today I really needed to meet someone like him.

We all had an amazing lunch and David spoke about the children and young people in the homes he runs and how their lives are now rich in so many ways. Things you and I just take for granted like, hot water and acknowledgement. I was deeply moved and it just makes you realise that no matter what we do not have control over; we are still blessed and lucky in so many ways.

Back home I was very tired by now so it was a bit of catching up with Andy and I went to my room, where I had a good night's sleep - thank goodness.

As always, with my love x

And my sister buzzes through the room leaving perfume in the air And that's what triggered this I come back here from time to time I shelter here somedays (Scattered Black and Whites - Elbow)

I guess I was motivated by the terrible events that took place recently in Manchester to blog this band this month.  I come rather late to Elbow's party if I am honest. But now I have found them, I have not intention in leaving. Their music has recently got me through the most terrible period in my life.  I smile and cry at the same time when I hear some of their songs.  Guy Garvey, in my opinion, has the most calming, Manchurian voice ever. Their lyrics are beautiful, moving and say it all.  I make no apologies for probably blogging these guys ten times over.  The problem I have is to choose which tracks I want to use.  

So this song is of fond memories.  Those black and white images you and I have of our childhood. Those memories, those smells that just take as back to those precious moments in time.  I head another song today on the radio and it took me right back to when Meg was first born. It triggered a memory and this is what this song is all about. Deeply moving as it paints a picture of nostalgia. It is from their first album to be released called Asleep in the Back. Ironically, I heard from someone I meet in London this weekend who is back in the UK for a few days from China and wanted to meet up but I feel yuk with this asthma. Anyway he told me that him and his brother grew up with Guy Garvey and his brother is mentioned in the credits of this album.  I checked and yes Ben Hillier is mentioned. Now I think that is pretty cool.  As always, enjoy.

Tuesday:  Well today is an exciting day.  But if I told you, I would have kill you and we really do not want that do we.  Day went well.  It always amazes me when people say to me 'oh you are so strong' or 'you are so resilient'.  What choice do I have?  I have no choice.  Trust me when I say there have been times this year when I could have quite easily taken the Diazepam and other stuff I have stored and pulled the duvet over me and checked out.  But I would not do that to Andy. It would not be fair.  I am not strong; ask him. However, today I have been strong and done my very best to once again, reinvent myself.  We shall see.

Wednesday:  Back at Guy's first thing to finally have the tooth removed.  I had such a lovely dentist who reminded me of Omid Djalili.  He was so lovely and explained everything to me.  By now, and after all the dentists I have seen over the past few weeks, I was rather nervous.  I had such a lovely view from my dentist chair of the Tate Modern and St Paul's.  Within a few minutes, the tooth that has served me for probably 52 years was out.  They asked if I wanted to see it; of course I did.  I also asked if I were to put it under my pillow would the tooth fairy leave me £2000 for an implant.  The dentist and the assistant laugh and said NO.

So straight from there to a meeting (yes I know, but I have to work) that done and dusted I went home and took some painkillers and went to bed for an hour and then had a quiet afternoon working from home. Strong in someways yes; emotionally scared - definitely!

Thursday:  Spent just over 3.5 hours on the 53 bus today.  I shall leave that there.  I am being tested. It was too hot to be stuck on a bus with smelly people and smelly fish.  What do these people do with all this fish!  Talons cut and painted and back home as the 'tooth' which is no longer a 'tooth' was hating. I have congratulated myself today for not killing anyone!  Well done me.  

Friday:  A completely waste of time work wise today.  Not my doing but others. After work I had to go for a private consultation to talk about my allergies.  It was at The Shard.  Fortunately, I get private medical insurance with my job. The doctor I saw was so lovely and he did a prick test with a few allergies including trees, birch tree, dust mites etc.  It did not show anything conclusive but the tree and birch tree test was raised a bit.  So I had blood tests done and he has given me a private prescription for a new inhaler and suggested I go and speak with my GP as he feels, like me, it has not been maintained an that is why it goes out of control.  He was so lovely and it was a good experience. Just goes to show what money buys you.

I have been waiting all day for some news which did not come, so that has left me a bit flat, but hey ho.  We had a lot of rain and then a thunder storm and it has kind of cleared the air.  So here we are again. It is Friday .............. yay!

As always, with my love x